Relationships

Wow – did I just date myself with that song? Anyhoo…

News Flash!

• 11% of Americans don’t know you CAN get pregnant while having sex standing up
• 26% never discuss contraception with their partners
• 31% never discuss sexual health such as STIs with their partners

These figures were recently released based on a poll of 2,000 Americans between the ages of 16 and 50 according to this article.

No mention of who conducted the poll nor their methods was revealed, making the poll itself very very very suspect in my mind. (For all I know the author of the article pulled the numbers right out of his you-know-what.) But the validity of the survey isn’t really the interesting part…It’s the idea behind the questions that I’d like to focus on here.

No Sexy Talk with Your Sex Machine?

You’d think that if there was one person in this entire world who you could talk with about sex in an open and nonjudgmental way it would be your own lover. After all, you’re HAVING sex WITH them. At the very least, you’d probably want to talk about life-altering consequences such as…oh…Children and Incurable Diseases!

Breaking it down, I suppose you could avoid the STI conversation after you’ve been sleeping with just each other for a while, assuming no one is cheating, swinging, etc.

But what about in the beginning? Are you really going to have sex with someone without asking if they’ve been tested recently? (And if not, what makes them believe they are disease-free?)  It seems like an awfully big risk for 20 minutes of hot, heavy sticky fun.

But let’s assume you’re willing to take that chance JUST to avoid an emotionally embarrassing conversation…

Not even Contraception talk?! A basic – “Do you use condoms?” “Are you on the pill?” Really? What happens when you’ve both taken your clothes off and are ready to “connect”? Does he just assume she’s on birth control while she just prays she doesn’t get pregnant this time? Eeek!

How can either of you have ANY fun if all you’re doing is worrying about these things in the moment rather than taking care of the issues beforehand?

Even if you don’t care about your own personal safety or possible accidental procreation – at least care about the quality of your sex!

Talking about these “big, uncomfortable” issues lets you relax once the bump-and-grinding begins.  And isn’t that the point of all this in the first place?

So, although I hope those poll results are a little screwy on the actual numbers, I know there are people out there who fall into these no-talky categories and I feel the need to say…

For the Sake of Good, Naughty, Wild and Carefree Sex – Talk to your partner about the “icky” stuff first. Your mind-blowing orgasms will thank you in the end. 

**Speaking of Orgasms** – I think my friend hooked up with that web developer guy the other night. Bad Girl that she is. I know they left together after our dinner, but I haven’t had a chance to catch up with her since. Hope she had all these “talks” we’ve been discussing! Maybe she’s trying to get in on that new Sex Site he’s making. hah.**

Don’t automatically assume we’re talking about all of you. Wet dreams don’t count. And for the unfortunate majority of you it’s difficult to get sex when you’re awake!

Most Responses from Men: “What?? I can’t go that long!”

Most Responses from Women: “Why? What did I do to make you angry?”

*The fog rolls into the room through the opened balcony door. The moonlight illuminates the mist and lends to it an ethereal form as if someone, someTHING were shrouded within it’s enveloping folds. Then, startlingly, quite unexpectedly you feel the brush of lips against your ear followed by the warmth of my breath as I speak*

“I’m back, baby. Did you miss me?”

(This post is timely sponsored by: EdenFantasys – Passion Made Easy.)
Find out how you can sponsor a post.

You know your life has become somewhat corrupted by society’s relentless need to “time-manage” things when it’s 10:05 on a Saturday night and your partner yells:

“Honey, we should’ve been having sex five minutes ago! If we don’t do it soon we’ll have to wait until next week!”

Yet even as bizarre as that yell may seem, many people will read those lines and laugh – not because it’s ridiculous, but because it’s True.

This post is arousingly sponsored by: 500 Sex Tips That’ll Drive You Both Wild!
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For most couples, sexual attraction is at the heart of their intimate relationships.

In fact, it’s usually what brings couples together in the first place…

Your eyes meet, your pulse races, and all you can think about it getting the object of your desire naked and in your bed as quickly as possible!

And while this is a very important and glorious part of the coupling process, its intensity is often equaled by its brevity.

The duration of this “Constantly in Lust” state varies from person to person, but typically lasts anywhere from a few weeks to a few months, and often depends on how often the couples is able to see each other.

The more time they spend together, the faster their initial excitement seems to fade.

But what happens when you’ve been with your partner for six months, eight months, a year and still the mere sight of him or her wreaks havoc on your nervous system? Should you just give in and enjoy your hyper-sexuality, or is your never-ending sexual attraction to your partner cause for serious concern?

The Question:

Every time I am in the presence of my girlfriend or hear her voice on the telephone I get an erection. Is this common? I’ve been in this relationship for 2 years. This has happened since around the 2nd week we met. It doesn’t bother me until I’m with company. Is this a dysfunction?

~ Ashley, United Kingdom ~

The Good News:

It’s not a dysfunction!

Unless your erection is constant, painful, and/or for no apparent reason (ie – you’re not thinking about anything sexual or in the presence of anything that could turn you on) you really have nothing to worry about.

Your Girlfriend Should View Your Arousal as a Compliment

Considering the amount of women out there who WISH they could still turn on their lovers so easily after being together for years, your girlfriend should feel very loved and desired by your instant erections!

It is true that your body’s positive reaction to even the slightest sound of your lover’s voice isn’t exactly “normal” since this doesn’t happen to most men after being with the same woman for a prolonged period of time.

However, just because it isn’t “normal” doesn’t mean you have a problem. And it certainly doesn’t mean this is something you should worry about.

But since you are concerned, here a few reasons why you may be getting aroused so quickly and what you can do about it.

Possible Reasons for Your Instant Erections

1. You Don’t See Each Other Often

In today’s high-tech world of communication, long distance relationships are more common than ever. This means that even though two people have been in a relationship for a long time, even years, they may not have physically been around each other very much at all.

Because those initial feelings of super-charged lust tend to fade little by little the more we see our partners, being in a long distance relationship could prolong the “fading” period. Furthermore, when an extended period of time goes by that we don’t see our lovers, the feelings of lust we have for them builds until the moment we do see them again.

This is true even for couples who have been together for years and years!

In the case of an online relationship, a couple might only meet in person once a month (or less). If this couple has been together for two years, that’s a total of only 24 “in person” meetings. It’s very reasonable to assume that even though they’ve been together for two years they are still very much “in lust” every time they do see each other, and become instantly aroused.

But online relationships aren’t the only ones with this kind of few-and-far-between meeting schedules.

Even living together doesn’t necessarily translate into seeing each other very much considering how busy everyone is.

If you only see your partner briefly at dinner or on your “date night” once a week there’s plenty of time for your body to build up its lust reserves so that when you do see your partner your arousal can’t help but “pop up”.

So my first question would be, how often do you see your girlfriend?

2. You’ve Been “Trained” to Get an Erection

I know this may sound strange at first, but it is possible that your body has become “trained” to get an erection every time your girlfriend is around – whether physically or just in your thoughts.

In the same way Pavlov proved that dogs could be “trained” to salivate every time they heard a bell once the sound of the bell was associated with being fed, you could have accidentally “trained” yourself to become erect when in the presence of your lover!

This is particularly true if every time you see your girlfriend you end up doing something sexual together.

Essentially your brain now recognizes your “girlfriend” to mean “sex” and prepares itself accordingly.

It’s like your brain says, “Oh, Girlfriend’s here so we better make an erection now because we’re going to need one!”

Obviously this association can cause all kinds of awkward social situations, but luckily your training can be “undone” if you make a habit of NOT having sex (or doing anything sexual that might cause an erection) while you’re with your girlfriend. Play board games, go for a walk, see a non-sexy movie – anything that will make your erection go away.

The point is to retrain your body so that it no longer jumps to the ready just because your girlfriend has stepped into the room.

My second question would be, do you routinely engage in sexual activity when you’re with your girlfriend?

**As a Side Note – This type of body/sexual response training is used a lot in BDSM play and D/s relationships. In fact, training can be so intense that some partners are trained to orgasm on command (Wow) – all via Pavlov’s association techniques!**

3. What Else Arouses You?

Finally, what’s your arousal like when you’re away from your girlfriend?

For example, is your erection pattern normal (erections when you wake up, view porn, etc.)? Do you get “uncalled for” erections often and for no reason? In general, are you easy to arouse?

Age should also be taken into consideration since wayward erections are much more common during men’s 20s and 30s than later on.

Also, how long does your erection last? Does it stay the entire time you’re around her regardless of how much time you spend together? Does it just happen when you first see/hear her, and then quickly go away? A lot depends on these answers.

My Best Advice – Relax and Enjoy It!

Barring the possibility of any physical erectile problem, immediate arousal while in the presence of your girlfriend really isn’t a huge issue.

Sure, it can be understandably embarrassing when you’re both around other people, but I’d suggest trying mental erection-reducing techniques. Other than that, there’s not much that you can do.

Just take it one day at a time and enjoy your erections while they last – because someday your body might not be this sexually cooperative!

Things to Arouse:

• Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies
• Massage Secrets for Lovers
• Sexual Pleasure: Reaching New Heights of Sexual Arousal and Intimacy

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