Sexual Psych.

Wow – did I just date myself with that song? Anyhoo…

News Flash!

• 11% of Americans don’t know you CAN get pregnant while having sex standing up
• 26% never discuss contraception with their partners
• 31% never discuss sexual health such as STIs with their partners

These figures were recently released based on a poll of 2,000 Americans between the ages of 16 and 50 according to this article.

No mention of who conducted the poll nor their methods was revealed, making the poll itself very very very suspect in my mind. (For all I know the author of the article pulled the numbers right out of his you-know-what.) But the validity of the survey isn’t really the interesting part…It’s the idea behind the questions that I’d like to focus on here.

No Sexy Talk with Your Sex Machine?

You’d think that if there was one person in this entire world who you could talk with about sex in an open and nonjudgmental way it would be your own lover. After all, you’re HAVING sex WITH them. At the very least, you’d probably want to talk about life-altering consequences such as…oh…Children and Incurable Diseases!

Breaking it down, I suppose you could avoid the STI conversation after you’ve been sleeping with just each other for a while, assuming no one is cheating, swinging, etc.

But what about in the beginning? Are you really going to have sex with someone without asking if they’ve been tested recently? (And if not, what makes them believe they are disease-free?)  It seems like an awfully big risk for 20 minutes of hot, heavy sticky fun.

But let’s assume you’re willing to take that chance JUST to avoid an emotionally embarrassing conversation…

Not even Contraception talk?! A basic – “Do you use condoms?” “Are you on the pill?” Really? What happens when you’ve both taken your clothes off and are ready to “connect”? Does he just assume she’s on birth control while she just prays she doesn’t get pregnant this time? Eeek!

How can either of you have ANY fun if all you’re doing is worrying about these things in the moment rather than taking care of the issues beforehand?

Even if you don’t care about your own personal safety or possible accidental procreation – at least care about the quality of your sex!

Talking about these “big, uncomfortable” issues lets you relax once the bump-and-grinding begins.  And isn’t that the point of all this in the first place?

So, although I hope those poll results are a little screwy on the actual numbers, I know there are people out there who fall into these no-talky categories and I feel the need to say…

For the Sake of Good, Naughty, Wild and Carefree Sex – Talk to your partner about the “icky” stuff first. Your mind-blowing orgasms will thank you in the end. 

**Speaking of Orgasms** – I think my friend hooked up with that web developer guy the other night. Bad Girl that she is. I know they left together after our dinner, but I haven’t had a chance to catch up with her since. Hope she had all these “talks” we’ve been discussing! Maybe she’s trying to get in on that new Sex Site he’s making. hah.**

Now here’s something you won’t hear about on this side of the Atlantic…A government sponsored program aimed at teaching teens “self-pleasure” techniques!

I think Spain should get the award for Progressive Health Care Nation indeed.

Of course, the religious parties are going bonkers over this – saying such a “touchy” *ahem* topic should be left for parents to discuss with their budding sexuality.

The target demographic is between 14-17 years of age, using pamphlets, etc. and also deals with issues of contraception and self-respect. Although the article doesn’t specify the “why” for this new outreach program, I’m assuming it’s to counter non-solo-teen-sex and lower teen pregnancy/STI rates.

Sounds good to me…At least from a logical adult perspective.

However, thinking back, I’m not sure I would’ve appreciated a cute-little government-made pamphlet trying to convince me that masturbation was better than “the real thing”. (Who are they kidding?!)

I can see these teens getting a good laugh out of it (maybe an actual pointer or two – “OK Ladies, now right HERE is where you’ll find your clit! You know,  just in case you’ve never noticed that super-sensitive spot on your body in the past 15 or so years!”).

Even worse, I can see teens taking pamphlets concerning the Other Gender (assuming they’re heterosexual) to get free sex tips on how to better pleasure their partners. It makes sense. If I wanted to know how to better pleasure my “boyfriend” and this pamphlet is made to teach HIM how to do it to HIMSELF, then wouldn’t it make sense for me to read THAT one instead? Yup. Yup.

So while I like the message and the forward thinking of this campaign, there might be some real-world design flaws that actually teach teens how to have better sex with Each Other rather than themselves – obviously undermining the actual campaign altogether.

Can’t “Win for Losing” I guess…*sighs*

***Other News Update*** I’m not sure what’s going on with this website-builder-guy I mentioned. I brought in one of my friends to see his new site and I think he was hitting on her…It was one of those situations where it could have been him just being “nice” – but afterward she asked if I’d noticed and we couldn’t decide either way – lol. Maybe I’ll bring her around more often just to see what happens between them Haha. So Bad.***

One of the questions scrolling past your processor might be: “Who’s Ardi? Sounds like a stock broker.” To be honest, I don’t watch very much T.V., but the other day I saw a Discovery Special on Ardipithecus – to date our oldest up-right walking ancestor by about 4.4 million years. Like all new discoveries Ardi had many notable features that puzzled scientists, but two of the most intriguing were that it lived in a forest and had small “K-9″ teeth (you know, the Vampire teeth).

This post is gayly sponsored by: Lesbian Porn To Go! Pay-Per-View It Now
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As most of us know, there are a lot of heterosexual men out there who enjoy watching lesbian porn.

Whatever their reasons, many men get turned on when they see two beautiful women kiss, fondle, and dildo each other to orgasmic bliss.

Some men even find lesbian porn more exciting than “regular” straight porn!

But what about women? Do they feel the same way about gay male porn?

Do they get all hot and bothered watching two men caress, suck, and f*** each other? And if they do, what, if anything, does it mean?

The Question:

I’m starting to wonder if something is wrong with me. Lately I’ve noticed that I’m extremely turned on by gay sex. I don’t no how to label myself, (Bi, etc…) because I don’t feel any attraction to females. Is it normal for women to be turned on by watching gay men in the act?

~ Brandy, North Carolina, USA ~

Am I Gay?

First of all, let’s clear up the unnecessary confusion you are experiencing regarding your sexual orientation – Being turned on by gay male porn does not make you gay, bisexual, or a lesbian.

Unless you, as a woman, are sexually attracted to other women, you are neither homosexual nor bisexual.

You can still consider yourself completely heterosexual regardless of your preference for gay porn.

Think of it this way, no one believes that men who watch lesbian porn are homosexual. As a matter of fact, when heterosexual men admit to not liking lesbian porn, they are often made fun of because they are “supposed” to like it as heterosexual men!

Why would it be any different for a straight women who likes to watch gay men?

Is Something Wrong With Me?

No!

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Instead of worrying about “why” you like gay porn or what the deeper meanings and implications are, just go with it.

We all have odd likes, dislikes, and personality quirks. It’s what makes us so interesting. Your enjoyment of gay porn certainly isn’t hurting anyone, so don’t worry about it.

Be happy you’ve discovered something new about yourself that brings you pleasure.

Do Most Women Like Gay Porn?

Well, honestly I don’t know the answer to that question.

Although men’s interest in lesbian porn is common cultural knowledge (think of all the jokes and pictures associated with it), we don’t hear very much about women who like gay porn.

I’m sure this has a lot to do with the fact that traditionally women have not been the main consumers of porn since most people believed, and many still do believe, that women don’t like porn as much as men. Of course, this isn’t true and more and more adult companies are realizing that their is a big and growing market for women-oriented porn.

Having said that, there’s not much research, scientific or otherwise, that gives any definitive numbers on the percentage of women who get turned on by watching two male lovers.

However, if you look a little deeper into a lot of written erotica that is meant for women, there are a lot of male-on-male scenes…

So even though I can’t tell you if most women get turned on by gay porn, I have a feeling there are many women, just like you, who certainly do get aroused by watching “gay men in the act“!

It Makes Sense for Straight Women to Like It

As a straight woman, you love men. You adore men. You want to have sex with men. Right?

Then it makes perfect sense that watching not one, but two men engaged in sexual activity would be very exciting to you.

Sure, this isn’t the case for all straight women, but it is a very understandable turn on.

Just ask those lesbian lovin’ heterosexual men – the more women, the better!

Helpful Resources:

• Real Porn for Straight Women
• For Lesbian Lovers Everywhere
• When Night is Falling – Lesbian Focused Romantic Film (not porn)
• The Whole Lesbian Sex Book – A Practical Guide for All of Us
• Gay Male Porn (Even if you are a woman!)

Learn More About Sex and Sexuality – Subscribe!

Get Answers to More Interesting Sex Questions:

• Just Seeing My Girlfriend Turns Me On! Is This Normal?
• All About Squirting (Female Ejaculation)
• How to Keep Your Sex Life Hot – Even Without Erections!

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Well it’s been another ponder-ific conversation day at my house. It all started innocently enough with my husband commenting on how slow my reflexes are when it comes to catching things…

Husband: “You’d never be one of those people who can catch arrows in mid-air…Nope, they’d go right through your head!” (Hahaha.)

Me: “You’re right. I’d just have one of my men catch them for me.” (As I grinned triumphantly.)

Husband: “Men – As in many men, not just one?”

Me: “Yep, many. I’d have a group of very talented men who are good at various things to protect me.”

Husband: “And why exactly would they all protect you like that?”

Me: “Because I’d have sex with them.”

Husband: “All of them?! You’d have sex with all of them?! In other words, you’d be a slut.”

And so began an hour and a half’s worth of debating the morality of multiple sex partners, the sanctity of sex between those “in love,” what exactly makes a “slut,” the “grossness” of having sex with 100 men at the same time, the connection between pride, self-esteem, and sex – and finally – the issue of what makes emotional sex different from physical sex.

To sum up, I mostly argued physical sex is just that and nothing more. It’s a good time that doesn’t have to involve people who are emotionally connected to each other. 30 minutes of groping, thrusting, and panting before a final goodbye and it’s over.

On the other hand, really emotional sex is in a rare category all by itself. This is the kind of sex when you honestly feel like your hearts and souls are colliding, uniting, becoming the same magnificent entity. During this kind of sex the physical stuff takes a back seat. In fact, your bodies may not have to move very much at all for very powerful sex to occur.

Needless to say, emotional sex does not happen very often, and for most couples it only spontaneously occurs at the very beginning of the relationship. After that, it seems to take an awful tragedy (like a death in the family) or some other equally emotional event to trigger the need for this kind of intense bonding.

Sure, you can recapture those feelings with a lot (a lot!) of carefully planned romantic work (as in days and days of candlelit meals, deep conversations, hours of staring into each other’s eyes, etc.) – but who honestly has time for that?

Apparently my husband disagrees.

He thinks that kind of emotionally monumental sex may not happen for women very often – But it does for men! Men, he claims, can have emotional sex without all the pre-planned romantic stuff. He says men sometimes feel very close to their lovers for “no reason,” and because of this sex is often more emotional for men than it is for women.

Huh? Come again?!

I must admit though, his argument does seem to be consistent with research conducted in this area which links men’s overall feelings of “love” for their partners with the act of sex. Many people who study sex believe that for men, feelings of love are conjured up during sex – whereas for women feelings of love must be present before sex begins in order for her to feel really connected to her parter during sex.

OK – Point for Husband!

But oddly enough what this means is women have purely physical sex more often than men, making women the less “lovey-dovey” partner. So my original assertion that I would have sex with men in order to utilize their skills (in this case the ability to catch arrows in mid-air that, for some odd reason, are being shot at my head) makes sense. Clearly it would be meaningless physical sex which I would likely enjoy. No problem from my perspective. (Fun Sex = Needed Protection = Win/Win for All)

But for a man, using sex to gain something in return might not be so emotionally easy if we agree to the idea that sex is more emotionally provocative for men. That’s why my husband balks at the very idea of me hypothetically trading sex for protection. Trading sex might involve giving a lot more of “himself” away than it would for me. Strange, but perhaps true.

Which brings me to the end of our conversation -

Why are women so needy when it comes to triggering strong emotions during sex? Why do women need hours, if not days, of wooing in preparation for deeply connective sex to happen? Or as my husband so eloquently put it, “Who the Hell do you women think you are? Why do we (men) have to go around treating you like Queens in order for you to feel “connected” to us?”

Again – Point for Husband!

My only rebuttal, it must be genetic. (Weak argument, I know…) My only fighting chance at this point was to bring up the mating practices of crocodiles which I’ve recently learned about via an interview with the late Crocodile Hunter’s wife on Larry King. According to her a crocodile male will spend up to THREE DAYS courting a female crocodile before she MIGHT agree to mate with him. He rubs himself up against her, brings her food, etc. all in the hopes that she will have sex with him in the end – which, by the way, is not guaranteed!

Add to that the little male rain forest bird courting dance, the male peacock’s feather display, and the countless other males who spend lots of precious time and energy trying to get females into “bed,” and you start to get the biological picture I’m trying to paint.

Sorry guys, that’s just the way it is. You’ll have to impress us with YOUR tail feathers if you want us to get all “emotional” about having sex with you. Yes, it’ll take days of romancing us. Telling us how beautiful we are and how your world would stop turning without us in it…

Or you could settle for having unemotional sex with us on a fairly regular basis. It might not be spiritually mind-blowing sex, but something tells me you won’t complain much either way.

What I Learned Today:

Women need to be wooed by men for a long long time before getting “emotional” about sex (especially when they are in a loving long-term relationship and the crazy hormones of new love/lust have passed).

Women have much more physical-only sex than men (or some women will only have sex when they feel emotionally close to their partners which leads to the common situation of “he always wants sex” and “she never wants sex” – Back to the problem of time and wooing!).

Women are generally less emotional during sex than men and are therefore more willing to trade sex for goods because sex can mean much less to a woman than to a man (maybe this is why women have traditionally been the ones who use sex to “get their way” throughout history?).

But I’m Still Confused…

If all this is true, why do MEN have the love-’em-and-leave-’em reputation?!

Explore There Ideas Further and Hopefully Get More Sex!

• Loving Sex – Modern Kama Sutra 3 DVD & 3 CD GIFT SET – 5 Star Rated!
• 101 Nights of Great Romance Made Easy
• 101 Nights of Great Sex – The Game
• The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists
• Romantic Rendezvous – Sweeten Up Your Sex Life

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What is Erotic Asphyxiation?

It goes by many names – breath play, erotic asphyxiation, auto-erotic asphyxiation (if you’re doing this by yourself) – and simply “Hold your breath until I say stop, Hunny!”

But no matter what you call it or how you do it the effects are the same. By intentionally cutting off oxygen to your brain you’re seemingly heightening your sexual sensations and making your orgasm that much more intense. Yes, you may literally see stars.