The Sexual Body

(This post is dyspnoealy sponsored by: 100 Sex Games for Couples! Are You Adventurous Enough to Try…?)

SO…..what IS “Breath Play”?

Erotic, dangerous, and misunderstood, breath play is one of the most controversial practices in the kink world.

Wow – did I just date myself with that song? Anyhoo…

News Flash!

• 11% of Americans don’t know you CAN get pregnant while having sex standing up
• 26% never discuss contraception with their partners
• 31% never discuss sexual health such as STIs with their partners

These figures were recently released based on a poll of 2,000 Americans between the ages of 16 and 50 according to this article.

No mention of who conducted the poll nor their methods was revealed, making the poll itself very very very suspect in my mind. (For all I know the author of the article pulled the numbers right out of his you-know-what.) But the validity of the survey isn’t really the interesting part…It’s the idea behind the questions that I’d like to focus on here.

No Sexy Talk with Your Sex Machine?

You’d think that if there was one person in this entire world who you could talk with about sex in an open and nonjudgmental way it would be your own lover. After all, you’re HAVING sex WITH them. At the very least, you’d probably want to talk about life-altering consequences such as…oh…Children and Incurable Diseases!

Breaking it down, I suppose you could avoid the STI conversation after you’ve been sleeping with just each other for a while, assuming no one is cheating, swinging, etc.

But what about in the beginning? Are you really going to have sex with someone without asking if they’ve been tested recently? (And if not, what makes them believe they are disease-free?)  It seems like an awfully big risk for 20 minutes of hot, heavy sticky fun.

But let’s assume you’re willing to take that chance JUST to avoid an emotionally embarrassing conversation…

Not even Contraception talk?! A basic – “Do you use condoms?” “Are you on the pill?” Really? What happens when you’ve both taken your clothes off and are ready to “connect”? Does he just assume she’s on birth control while she just prays she doesn’t get pregnant this time? Eeek!

How can either of you have ANY fun if all you’re doing is worrying about these things in the moment rather than taking care of the issues beforehand?

Even if you don’t care about your own personal safety or possible accidental procreation – at least care about the quality of your sex!

Talking about these “big, uncomfortable” issues lets you relax once the bump-and-grinding begins.  And isn’t that the point of all this in the first place?

So, although I hope those poll results are a little screwy on the actual numbers, I know there are people out there who fall into these no-talky categories and I feel the need to say…

For the Sake of Good, Naughty, Wild and Carefree Sex – Talk to your partner about the “icky” stuff first. Your mind-blowing orgasms will thank you in the end. 

**Speaking of Orgasms** – I think my friend hooked up with that web developer guy the other night. Bad Girl that she is. I know they left together after our dinner, but I haven’t had a chance to catch up with her since. Hope she had all these “talks” we’ve been discussing! Maybe she’s trying to get in on that new Sex Site he’s making. hah.**

Now here’s something you won’t hear about on this side of the Atlantic…A government sponsored program aimed at teaching teens “self-pleasure” techniques!

I think Spain should get the award for Progressive Health Care Nation indeed.

Of course, the religious parties are going bonkers over this – saying such a “touchy” *ahem* topic should be left for parents to discuss with their budding sexuality.

The target demographic is between 14-17 years of age, using pamphlets, etc. and also deals with issues of contraception and self-respect. Although the article doesn’t specify the “why” for this new outreach program, I’m assuming it’s to counter non-solo-teen-sex and lower teen pregnancy/STI rates.

Sounds good to me…At least from a logical adult perspective.

However, thinking back, I’m not sure I would’ve appreciated a cute-little government-made pamphlet trying to convince me that masturbation was better than “the real thing”. (Who are they kidding?!)

I can see these teens getting a good laugh out of it (maybe an actual pointer or two – “OK Ladies, now right HERE is where you’ll find your clit! You know,  just in case you’ve never noticed that super-sensitive spot on your body in the past 15 or so years!”).

Even worse, I can see teens taking pamphlets concerning the Other Gender (assuming they’re heterosexual) to get free sex tips on how to better pleasure their partners. It makes sense. If I wanted to know how to better pleasure my “boyfriend” and this pamphlet is made to teach HIM how to do it to HIMSELF, then wouldn’t it make sense for me to read THAT one instead? Yup. Yup.

So while I like the message and the forward thinking of this campaign, there might be some real-world design flaws that actually teach teens how to have better sex with Each Other rather than themselves – obviously undermining the actual campaign altogether.

Can’t “Win for Losing” I guess…*sighs*

***Other News Update*** I’m not sure what’s going on with this website-builder-guy I mentioned. I brought in one of my friends to see his new site and I think he was hitting on her…It was one of those situations where it could have been him just being “nice” – but afterward she asked if I’d noticed and we couldn’t decide either way – lol. Maybe I’ll bring her around more often just to see what happens between them Haha. So Bad.***

(This post is bondingly sponsored by: Still Not Able to Make Her Cum? Bet You Haven’t Tried This!)

“As we started dancing around the floor, I reached my hand up under her hair and grabbed a hand full at the back of her neck and held it tightly. She looked up at me, and as I held tight onto that grip of her hair, pulling her head back just the slightest, she closed her eyes, smiled, made a soft noise, and in that moment the question was asked and answered; “Are you? Yes, and yes I am.” ~Excerpt taken from Can You Spot a Dominant or submissive?~

This post is gushily sponsored by: A Lesson in Gushing – Free “Squirting” Erotica. Click to Read Now.
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One of the most misunderstood and mystifying aspects of female sexuality is the phenomenon commonly referred to as “squirting.” Female ejaculation, the officially recognized term for this behavior, is still in its medical infancy. Most of the research on female ejaculation was conducted in a flurry of studies in the early 1980s. Since then, not much has been published about it, though it continues to gain a steady fetishistic following within certain porn communities.

Recently Rae, a blogger herself, asked me if I could expound upon some of the misconceptions surrounding “squirters.”

“I’m actually curious about those porn videos one can access…well, pretty much anywhere, that show these women staying very true to the term “squirt” and whether that is really real. I do NOT do that, it’s more of a small waterfall/gush rather than spraying down my sheets and the walls of my bedroom.

Since I’m fairly new to this whole female ejaculation thing, I was just curious if there are different “levels” of squirting, or if the professionals really have the right of it and it’s like that from the get go. I don’t put a great deal of faith in professional porn actually representing the average sexual experience for the most part, but I’m just curious.” ~Rae~

There are a lot of questions wrapped up in there, so I’ll do my best to break them down.

What Exactly is Female Ejaculation?

Female ejaculation is marked by an expulsion of cloudy white or clear fluid from the urethra at the moment of orgasm. Despite what most people believe, the fluid does not come from within the vagina.

How Much Fluid Has to be Ejaculated to be Considered a “Squirter”?

There is very little consensus on this issue because it seems some women only “squirt” between 1 – 5 mls of liquid while others expel much more (Whipple, 2002). If you experience any expulsion of liquid during orgasm, it’s safe to consider yourself a “squirter.” Because of this it’s reasonable to assume that many women are “squirters” and don’t know it, since the amount of liquid could be relatively small and may go completely unnoticed. Have you ever been “very wet” after an orgasm? Then you are probably a squirter.

Do Women Really “Squirt” Across the Room, Like in Porn Movies?

Yes, some women do – but my best guess is that they are more the exception than the rule. No doubt porn movies exaggerate the “squirting” factor, much like they exaggerate almost everything about sex – But isn’t that exactly why we love them? There are, however, well documented cases of women who do ejaculate that dramatically.

Another possibility is that what is being “squirted” is not female ejaculate at all, but intravaginal secretions – ie what makes women normally wet. For example,

“Sally’s problem started when she masturbated with a vibrator and, at orgasm, ‘‘a lot of white stuff shot right across the kitchen floor’’. She was 14 years old at the time. Whilst it is not possible to be certain about the nature of this white substance nor its origin, it is most likely to have been intravaginal fluid mixed with desquamated cells. Kinsey et al. (1953) noted that ‘‘muscular contractions of the vagina following orgasm may squeeze out some of the genital secretions, and in a few cases eject them with some force’’. Since this experience Sally had held back from experiencing orgasm or avoided sex altogether for fear of ‘‘peeing the bed’’. (Riley et al., 2005, 220)

In other words, during a powerful orgasm the muscle contractions within the vagina can be strong enough to force a woman’s normal “juices” out – perhaps even across the room. Have you ever experienced “forcing” your partner’s penis out during an orgasm? That’s exactly what this is talking about.

Where Does Female Ejaculate Come From?

Again, this is still being debated, but most researchers believe it is produced by the Skene’s paraurethral glands because female ejaculate contains many of the same components that are typically found in male ejaculate, some of which is produced by the male prostate. In fact, some scientists argue that the female Skene’s glands should be renamed to the female prostate because it appears to be a much smaller version of the male prostate. Furthermore, just like the male prostate, the female Skene’s glands empty into the urethra, not the vulva as was originally thought (Whipple, 2002).

What’s the Connection Between “Squirting” and the G-Spot?

Female ejaculation only happens when the G-spot on the front wall of the vagina is stimulated, either through penile penetration or the use of a sex toy. It does not happen with clitoral stimulation alone. Women report feeling a “ball” grow behind their G-spot, which disappears at orgasm. It’s theorized that this “ball” is actually the Skene’s glands filling with ejaculatory fluid that is then expelled at orgasm. If this is true, this finding could explain why women enjoy having this spot, their G-spot, stimulated during intercourse. (Much like men enjoy prostate stimulation).
Can Women Learn to Become “Squirters”?

Honestly, I don’t know. None of the official research suggests that this is possible, since it tends to occur spontaneously. There are some unscientific manuals, books, and instructional videos that claim to be able to teach women how to “squirt”, but I can’t personally vouch for their effectiveness.

Do “Squirters” Have Better Orgasms?

Much of the desire to learn to ejaculate stems from the belief that women who do ejaculate experience more intense orgasms than women who don’t. Because the overall enjoyment of an orgasmic experience is so subjective, it’s very hard to know whether this is true or not. I will say that for many women G-spot stimulation, especially in combination with clitoral stimulation, leads to more powerful orgasms than with clitoral stimulation alone. Also, some women (around 30%) can have an orgasm via G-spot stimulation without needing clitoral stimulation at all. Does that necessarily mean “squirters” have better orgasms? I’m not sure, but go ahead and try – you’ll probably have fun either way!

Want More Information About Female Ejaculation?

• Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot, Not Your Mother’s Orgasm Book
• The Amazing G-Spot and Female Ejaculation DVD
• Female Ejaculation for Couples DVD
• Divine Nectar – A Guide to Female Ejaculation
• G-Spot Confessions – Ejaculating Women Speak DVD

References:

Riley, Alan. Riley, Elizabeth. Gibbin, Jane. (May, 2005). “Sexual desire inhibited by urethral expulsions: Two female cases with different aetiology.” Sexual and Relationship Therapy. Vol 20, No. 2. 215-223.

Whipple, Beverly. (2002). “The Human Female Prostate: From Vestigial Skene’s Paraurethral Glands and Ducts to Woman’s Functional Prostate.” Archives of Sexual Behavior. Vol 31. Issue 5. 457.

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This post is educationally sponsored by: Handbook of the Evolution of Human Sexuality – Female/Female Desire, Sex Culture, Pheromones, and More!
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According to a study conducted by Gordon G. Gallup from the State University of New York at Albany, a human penis is physically designed via evolution to remove other men’s sperm from deep within a woman’s vagina.

I’ll give you guys and gals a moment to think about all the implications of that theory…

The basic idea is simple. Gallup suggests the reason human male penises have such a pronounced coronal ridge and glans (when compared to the shapes and sizes of other primate penises) is so that during intercourse the penis can “scoop out” the sperm of other men that may still be in the woman’s vagina, thereby giving his own sperm a better chance of being the ones to impregnate the woman.

“The human penis, with a relatively larger glans and more pronounced coronal ridge than is found in many other primates, may function to displace seminal fluid from rival males in the vagina by forcing it back over/under the glans. During intercourse the effect of repeated thrusting would be to draw out and displace foreign semen away from the cervix.” (Gallup et al., 2004, 1)

For those of you who may not be familiar with these particular anatomical terms, here’s a picture of where the glans and the coronal ridge are located.

As you can imagine, the larger the coronal ridge, the easier it is for sperm to get stuck behind/under it and be dragged out of the vagina during intercourse. So, males who have a more pronounced coronal ridge “win” in the genetic evolutionary game.

Up to this point in Gallup’s theory, things intuitively seems to make sense. Why else would penises be shaped the way they are? Until reading this article, I’d honestly never given it much thought, and I assume most people, men especially, have never looked down at their penis during a bathroom break and wondered, “Huh, why in the world are the glans of my penis so much bigger than the shaft?”

If, however, for some very odd reason, a man did ask himself this question, the likely answer would probably be along the lines of, “To make my woman enjoy sex with me that much more!” Right? Bigger glans probably feel better during sex, so men who have bigger glans make women “want” them more and therefore those largely endowed men have more sex than men with small glans and end up with more babies. As a woman, I like this evolutionary explanation better than Gallup’s.

Because when you look a little closer at what Gallup is actually saying, your eyes might just bug out of your head in disbelief, since the real questions becomes “Why would men’s penises have to “scoop out” other men’s sperm from a woman’s vagina in the first place??!!!”

Women Are Incredibly Promiscuous Creatures

At the very core of Gallup’s lovely theory is the notion that women will naturally have sex with multiple men in a very short period of time…Not as an exception, but as a rule!

As we know, evolution is a very slow process so in order for penises to have evolved into a shape specifically meant to combat other men’s sperm means that the “problem” of women having sex with one man after another was serious enough for evolution to do something about it. It’s not as though women of the species went through a sexual revolution or a sexual “fad” during a certain hundred or two years of sleeping around that caused penises to change their shape. Nope. If this was the case evolution wouldn’t have had enough time to deal with this issue.

If Gallup’s theory is correct and penises have really had the necessary time to change shape, it means women have been very very promiscuous pretty much since the beginning of our humanity. And on the flip side, it means men have been more than willing to “share” one woman with his friends. Essentially, just because Tom, Dick, and Harry just did her doesn’t mean Larry won’t give her a shot!

What Do You Think About This Premise?

Feminists - I’m sure the vast majority of women will be very offended and indignant by Gallup’s promiscuous premise. Feminists will no doubt be ready to chop his theory to shreds, saying Gallup is a misogynistic you-know-what who’s using evolutionary “science” to make up wondrous stories that continue to perpetuate the classic myth of women’s sexuality as rampant and dangerous – something that must be controlled in order for civilization to survive.

Swingers – Will use this anti-monogamy evidence to support their cause – claiming the religiously unnatural institution of monogamous marriage is a harmful idea foisted upon us by those in power so the general populous stay in line with what ever current dogma is being preached from on High. Romantic jealousy is learned, and the “natural” state of human sexuality is to give and receive physical pleasure from whomever we so choose when ever the mood strikes.

Men – Will have new reason to suspect their girlfriends and wives of wrongdoing. Finally, there is evidence that proves women are more likely to cheat than are men. Finally, there is a chink in the high-and-mighty sexual armor that so many women carry around like a badge of honor.

Or Are Men to Blame for This Evolutionary Marvel?

On the other hand, what if women aren’t to blame at all? What if this odd adaptation is due to men continually raping women? Rather than women voluntarily having sex with multiple men consecutively, what if it was forced? Maybe women aren’t promiscuous at all – but men are sexually uncontrollable! So uncontrollable that penises have literally become genetic weapons against each other!

Tom, Dick, and Harry already raped her, so Larry’s penis has become capable of removing their genetic material and replacing it with his own. How convenient! Once again men are the perpetrators and women are the victims.

In fact, there’s evidence to suggest exactly this:

“…Goetz and Shackelford (in press) have uncovered preliminary evidence that a substantial proportion of wife rapes involve husbands who suspect their wives had been unfaithful…” (Gallup et al., 2004, 21)

In other words, when men find out or suspect their wives have cheated on them and had sex with another man, they rape her. Hmm. Good to know. Now there’s an idea feminists can grab a hold of and run with for years…

Then Again, Maybe This Penis-Shape Theory is Complete Crap

Of course, all of the above thoughts assume that Gallup is correct to believe penises are shaped the way they are in order to get rid of other men’s sperm before depositing their own. But Gallup could be completely wrong.

Speak Sexy’s Alternate Penis-Shape Theory

Like I said, I like my own theory better. I’m going to keep believing male penis glans are bigger than the shaft for the sole purpose of pleasing the women they have sex with. No promiscuity blaming. No awful rape scenarios. Just good ol’ sexual enjoyment is at the heart of Speak Sexy’s Penis-Shape Theory.

To recap – The bigger the man’s penis glans, the better sex feels for the women he sleeps with, the more women want to have sex him, and the more children he sires because of it. Viola.

I think my theory works out well for everyone. Penises are not ultimate-fighting-machines against other men’s sperm (leave it to a man to come up with that theory!) They are pleasure devices made solely for women’s enjoyment (and leave it to a woman to come up with this one!).

What do YOU think? Which theory will you believe? I’d really love to know!!

Here Are Some Links About Gallup and This Theory:

• Reference Article: Gallup, et. al. “Semen Displacement as a Sperm Competition Strategy in Humans.” Evolutionary Psychology. Vol 2 – 2004. p 12-23.
• BBC News Write-up About Gallup’s Theory
• About Gallup’s Work – (Mostly About Semen – Really Fun Stuff)

You May Be Interested In:

• The Mating Mind: How Sexual Choice Shaped the Evolution of Human Nature
• The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating
• A Natural History of Rape: Biological Bases of Sexual Coercion
• Handbook of the Evolution of Human Sexuality
• Evolution, Gender, and Rape

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