Just Seeing My Girlfriend Turns Me On! Is This Normal?!

Relationships

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For most couples, sexual attraction is at the heart of their intimate relationships.

In fact, it’s usually what brings couples together in the first place…

Your eyes meet, your pulse races, and all you can think about it getting the object of your desire naked and in your bed as quickly as possible!

And while this is a very important and glorious part of the coupling process, its intensity is often equaled by its brevity.

The duration of this “Constantly in Lust” state varies from person to person, but typically lasts anywhere from a few weeks to a few months, and often depends on how often the couples is able to see each other.

The more time they spend together, the faster their initial excitement seems to fade.

But what happens when you’ve been with your partner for six months, eight months, a year and still the mere sight of him or her wreaks havoc on your nervous system? Should you just give in and enjoy your hyper-sexuality, or is your never-ending sexual attraction to your partner cause for serious concern?

The Question:

Every time I am in the presence of my girlfriend or hear her voice on the telephone I get an erection. Is this common? I’ve been in this relationship for 2 years. This has happened since around the 2nd week we met. It doesn’t bother me until I’m with company. Is this a dysfunction?

~ Ashley, United Kingdom ~

The Good News:

It’s not a dysfunction!

Unless your erection is constant, painful, and/or for no apparent reason (ie - you’re not thinking about anything sexual or in the presence of anything that could turn you on) you really have nothing to worry about.

Your Girlfriend Should View Your Arousal as a Compliment

Considering the amount of women out there who WISH they could still turn on their lovers so easily after being together for years, your girlfriend should feel very loved and desired by your instant erections!

It is true that your body’s positive reaction to even the slightest sound of your lover’s voice isn’t exactly “normal” since this doesn’t happen to most men after being with the same woman for a prolonged period of time.

However, just because it isn’t “normal” doesn’t mean you have a problem. And it certainly doesn’t mean this is something you should worry about.

But since you are concerned, here a few reasons why you may be getting aroused so quickly and what you can do about it.

Possible Reasons for Your Instant Erections

1. You Don’t See Each Other Often

In today’s high-tech world of communication, long distance relationships are more common than ever. This means that even though two people have been in a relationship for a long time, even years, they may not have physically been around each other very much at all.

Because those initial feelings of super-charged lust tend to fade little by little the more we see our partners, being in a long distance relationship could prolong the “fading” period. Furthermore, when an extended period of time goes by that we don’t see our lovers, the feelings of lust we have for them builds until the moment we do see them again.

This is true even for couples who have been together for years and years!

In the case of an online relationship, a couple might only meet in person once a month (or less). If this couple has been together for two years, that’s a total of only 24 “in person” meetings. It’s very reasonable to assume that even though they’ve been together for two years they are still very much “in lust” every time they do see each other, and become instantly aroused.

But online relationships aren’t the only ones with this kind of few-and-far-between meeting schedules.

Even living together doesn’t necessarily translate into seeing each other very much considering how busy everyone is.

If you only see your partner briefly at dinner or on your “date night” once a week there’s plenty of time for your body to build up its lust reserves so that when you do see your partner your arousal can’t help but “pop up”.

So my first question would be, how often do you see your girlfriend?

2. You’ve Been “Trained” to Get an Erection

I know this may sound strange at first, but it is possible that your body has become “trained” to get an erection every time your girlfriend is around - whether physically or just in your thoughts.

In the same way Pavlov proved that dogs could be “trained” to salivate every time they heard a bell once the sound of the bell was associated with being fed, you could have accidentally “trained” yourself to become erect when in the presence of your lover!

This is particularly true if every time you see your girlfriend you end up doing something sexual together.

Essentially your brain now recognizes your “girlfriend” to mean “sex” and prepares itself accordingly.

It’s like your brain says, “Oh, Girlfriend’s here so we better make an erection now because we’re going to need one!”

Obviously this association can cause all kinds of awkward social situations, but luckily your training can be “undone” if you make a habit of NOT having sex (or doing anything sexual that might cause an erection) while you’re with your girlfriend. Play board games, go for a walk, see a non-sexy movie - anything that will make your erection go away.

The point is to retrain your body so that it no longer jumps to the ready just because your girlfriend has stepped into the room.

My second question would be, do you routinely engage in sexual activity when you’re with your girlfriend?

**As a Side Note - This type of body/sexual response training is used a lot in BDSM play and D/s relationships. In fact, training can be so intense that some partners are trained to orgasm on command (Wow) - all via Pavlov’s association techniques!**

3. What Else Arouses You?

Finally, what’s your arousal like when you’re away from your girlfriend?

For example, is your erection pattern normal (erections when you wake up, view porn, etc.)? Do you get “uncalled for” erections often and for no reason? In general, are you easy to arouse?

Age should also be taken into consideration since wayward erections are much more common during men’s 20s and 30s than later on.

Also, how long does your erection last? Does it stay the entire time you’re around her regardless of how much time you spend together? Does it just happen when you first see/hear her, and then quickly go away? A lot depends on these answers.

My Best Advice - Relax and Enjoy It!

Barring the possibility of any physical erectile problem, immediate arousal while in the presence of your girlfriend really isn’t a huge issue.

Sure, it can be understandably embarrassing when you’re both around other people, but I’d suggest trying mental erection-reducing techniques. Other than that, there’s not much that you can do.

Just take it one day at a time and enjoy your erections while they last - because someday your body might not be this sexually cooperative!

Things to Arouse:

• Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies
• Massage Secrets for Lovers
• Sexual Pleasure: Reaching New Heights of Sexual Arousal and Intimacy

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speaksexy @ December 29, 2007