Why Do Women Talk So Much Before Sex?

Relationships

New to S.S.? You may want to sign up to our RSS feed or get new posts emailed straight to your inbox. Thanks for visiting!

This post is chattingly sponsored by: Sssh.com - A Unique Erotic Journal Created for Women, By Women!
Find out how you can sponsor a post.

The Scenario:

It’s early evening, your children are at their friends’ houses, and you’re just putting the last of a delicious dinner’s dishes away. You wrap your arms around your lovely wife’s waist, nuzzle your lips against her neck, and begin what you believe to be tonight’s sexual preface.

But then suddenly, as if completely out of the blue, your wife asks - “Sweetie, do you remember that movie we saw on our second date, after getting back from seeing your family in Florida, when I wore my black dress with the spaghetti strap shoulders and you had a toothache…?”

Your mind begins to race for an adequate response, stunned as you are by her mood-killing and utterly ridiculous interruption. Having lost her train of thought way back at the “that movie we saw” part, and not exactly sure what the question was to begin with, silent seconds go by.

You quickly realize that the longer you don’t say anything, the more she’ll believe you don’t remember an incident that was obviously very significant to her. Why else would she bring it up NOW? Just when wonderful sex was about to begin?

So your brain fights to come up with something - anything! - to end the silence.

“Of course I do, Honey…It was a great movie!” You say grinning.

*Good one!* - You think to yourself - Vague enough to cover almost your entire movie-going past together. But instead of smiling back, she frowns and looks hurt.

She Pulls Away!

*Warning! Warning!* Flashes through your mind.

“Ugh, you don’t remember do you?! I missed the birth of my only niece because you insisted on seeing that stupid movie!” She says with contempt.

*Man Down! Man Down!*

End of Possible Sex Here.

Why Do Women Talk So Much Before Sex?

Although it may seem baffling at times, women talk to their partners before sex because it actually puts them in a sexual mood.

Talking is foreplay to most women.

When you lean over to plant that suggestive kiss on her neck, she responds by doing the one thing she knows will make her feel emotionally closer to you - she starts up a conversation!

Since emotional closeness is a key element for women during those initial moments of sexual arousal, her chattiness really does make sense. While you’re trying to turn her on in ways that would turn you on (you’d probably love it if your wife spontaneously began to nibble at your neck!), she’s trying to do the same thing to you (she’d love it just as much if you’d spontaneously say something thrilling and/or romantic!).

In general, men will kiss, lick, fondle and suck their way into arousal. Women, on the other hand, will smile, talk, look, and think their way into bed.

Regardless of how hard feminist try to argue that there are no differences between the sexes, and that any displayed differences are learned, there are some differences that are real and undeniable. The path to sexual arousal is one of them.

Does Needing to Feel “Close” Mean Needing to Feel “Love”?

Please note that I did NOT say women need to feel LOVE in order to get turned on. No, no, no!

Women only need to feel CLOSE to the person they are about to sleep with. And this doesn’t have to be the “Spooky Soul-Mate” kind of close either. A warm memory, an intriguing common interest, or learning something new about their lover after years of living together - any of these little connections can work.

Sometimes, the words don’t even matter - just the tone of his voice could do the trick!

However, since most women in relationships do LOVE their partners, they often want to feel that love before having sex. So although it’s not necessary for women to feel love in order to want to have sex, it is very common since most sex happens within a loving relationship.

Why Do Women Equate Closeness and Love With Talking?

OK, so women need to feel some sort of connection, some sort of closeness, to become aroused - and often times this does mean they want to feel loved by their partners as a prerequisite to sex.

But why talking? Why don’t women get this sense of “closeness” in other ways?

Because women equate Talking with Love.

When you talk to your wife or girlfriend, she interprets that as you expressing your love for her. Even though to you it’s just a conversation about what type of grass you should buy for your lawn, the fact that you’ve asked her opinion about it and actually want to know what she thinks is Love to her.

In other words:

“Coming home after a hard day, sharing innermost feelings about it, asking about your day - that’s love. Cooking dinner or refilling the windshield wiper fluid in your car while she’s telling you all that - that’s not love.” ~Sex: A Man’s Guide, Page 184~

When you talk to her and listen to what she’s saying, you’re showing her that you appreciate her as an individual. Women like to know that they are special in your life, and honestly talking to them demonstrates this.

(That’s why it doesn’t count when you are “talking” and doing other things at the same time. You’re not paying attention to her. You’re not validating her uniqueness. You might as well just stop talking altogether!)

If you are trying to make her feel close to you and loved in the hopes of getting her into your bed later, then make sure the “talking” happens in a relaxed environment with very little distractions. Focusing on her and giving back constructive responses (not random Uh-huh, Uh-huhs) will almost always make her feel loved.

Talking -> Love -> Closeness -> Sex!

So the next time you begin cozying up to your lover and she starts to babble on about something completely off-topic, just go with it! Don’t let her chattiness fool you into thinking she’s not interested in your physical sexual overtures.

Think of talking as yet another foreplay technique in your ever-expanding repertoire.

She talks. You make her feel special by talking back. She feels loved (or feels close to you in some way if you’re not in a serious relationship with each other). And this feeling of love opens her up to becoming physically aroused by your eager kisses and groping hands!

Now that wasn’t so hard, was it?

More Articles on Sex and Relationships:

• Would You Go to a Strip Club with Your Lover?
• Why Doesn’t My Wife Want to Have Sex with Me Anymore?
• She’s Wet, But is She Turned-On?

Get the Inside Scoop on Sex in Relationships - Subscribe to My Feed!

Share This

speaksexy @ December 13, 2007