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Ever since we talked about the degrading-or-not porn “cum-shots” debate I’ve been ruminating over the basic elements of mainstream porn and wondering why so many women find it offensive enough that they insist on completely banning it from their households. As the beautiful sex blogger Kitty Demure pointed out, many husbands and wives find this topic to be a serious point of contention since marriages have been known to dissolve over the to-porn or not-to-porn issue. A common and particularly problematic situation arises when one partner loves to watch porn (usually the man though this is changing!), and the other partner is morally, ethically, or religiously against it.
But really, what is so wrong with watching two strangers have sex on film? After all, we watch people do all kinds of “personal” things on film. We don’t take up arms just because we see someone going to the bathroom in a movie. We don’t feel the need to shun and banish movies from our households that show people cooking dinner. So why is sex so very different?
It’s All About The Way
Leaving aside the extremely “moral” minority, I’m guessing most middle-of-the-road women feel “yucky” about porn because they don’t enjoy hearing random men refer to women they don’t love as “little sluts,” “dirty whores,” or simply “fucking holes.” Granted these are some of the milder titles I’ve heard “affectionately” bestowed upon the beautiful women of porn, so as a woman I really do understand the knee-jerk reaction to hate porn of all kinds. This, of course, makes me wonder why porn makers feel the need to insert such derogatory language in the title and um, “dialogue” of their movies. My Answer -
“Cum Sluts of Whoreville” sells more than “Normal Women of Ordinary Lane”
Added to the fact that the first title gets more attention, there’s an inherent “badness” that attracts people. Porn is supposed to be wrong, it’s supposed to be outside the rules of social convention – otherwise it wouldn’t be a thrill. Sure, seeing a wonderfully developed love-scene in a run-of-the-mill R-rated movie will turn you on as well, but it’s just not the same. People, women included, who really like porn enjoy it for its down-and-dirty raunchiness. There’s not much in today’s politically correct world that you can get away with, so porn is one thing that fills our deep need to feel like we are “breaking the law.”
Bringing Porn Home – Dirty Talking as Relationship Therapy?
If it is the wickedness of porn-sex that drives you to it time and again, then I suggest trying to bring that aspect of porn into your real sex life – with your real partner. So, he or she doesn’t like you watching the movies, but maybe they’d be willing to tap into your devilish desires with a little coaxing from you? It’s amazing how sexually open someone can become if they’re made to feel relaxed, accepted, and desired by the one they love. Who knows, your normally sex-silent partner may become the nasty chatterbox of your dreams. Or you may find out that being called your “dirty little slut” is just the thing to drive them over the edge…
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Do you enjoy talking dirty in bed? How dirty is too dirty?
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