On Hallowed Ground - The Secret Sex Lives of Cemeteries

What is Sexy?, Humor & More

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In honor of the upcoming Halloween festivities, I thought a little trip to the creepier side of sex would be appropriate. At first I was going to tell you about the latest trends in vampire erotica. Then I considered exploring the ghoulish link between horror and sexuality - but I’ll save that for later.

When all of a sudden I remembered a trend from my high school days that still puts a shiver up my spine and a morbid curiosity in the Gothic chambers of my heart. That’s right. Sex in the cemetery.

Finding a Good Place to “Do It”

One of the most popular places to sneak away on a date wasn’t the traditional Lover’s Lane (we didn’t have one of those where I lived), it was the local cemetery! Quiet, dark, private, and rarely patrolled by nosy cops, cemeteries were the perfect escape for horny teenagers.

It wasn’t until years later that I realized those sneaky couples in my high school weren’t the only clever ones who saw the sexual possibilities of graveyards. Turns out people from all over the world look to these chilling places as possible, if not proper, sex sites.

Done So Often, There are Laws Against It!

Although you can be arrested for general transgressions while having sex in a graveyard - indecent exposure, sex in public, etc. - some countries have made specific legislation against sex on tombstones. Russia apparently has a law that states it is illegal to have sex on any tombstone within fifty feet of a path or road, or any place open to public view (Loony Sex Laws, page 54).

Does that mean you can have sex on a tombstone if it’s more than fifty feet away from a path or road?! Good to know next time you’re in Russia.

Cemetery Action from Around the World

Even though fornicating in a cemetery is illegal almost anywhere you go, it doesn’t seem to stop people from trying! Some do it for convenience - Romanian prostitutes, for example, routinely take their clients to graveyards instead of the now-disallowed brothels.

Others do it because it’s a cheap place to go and doesn’t leave behind any tell-tale traces, or so they hope. In 2006 a New York State police officer was fired for having sex with a local waitress while on duty in, you guessed it, the cemetery (apparently on the hood of his official police car no less). This must have been exciting for them in so many ways.

And in September of this year a North Carolina couple were each charged with a “crimes against nature” felony for having sex in a state run graveyard - at 10 in the morning. Maybe it was too scary in the dark?

But for a few restless souls the “thrill” of having sex in a religiously revered locale and the rush of fear that usually accompanies wandering through tombstones at night is exactly why they decide to give it a try. In 2003 a group of Italian teenagers were arrested for having an “orgy” amongst the dead as their Halloween celebration! Something tells me they weren’t the first, and they certainly won’t be the last to forgo the chocolate candy and head straight for the graves instead.

Horrible Tricks or Devilish Treats?

Regardless of whether you think sex above the dead is an immoral sin or an exhilarating turn-on, the fact remains these seemingly silent venues have sexy secrets they unfortunately aren’t able to tell.

And in a certain way there’s a morbid symmetry to the idea of people doing something that creates life in a place where so many lives have been forever put to rest…

Erotic Halloween Treats for Everyone:

• Sexy Pirate, Nun, Priest, Maids, Cops & More Costumes!
• Dark Seductions: Tales of Erotic Horror
• Spider Web Spanking Paddle - Perfect for Your Kinky Halloween
• Sexy-Cute Witch
• Tricks and Treats Adult Interactive Stripping DVD - Great Gift Idea!

If You Enjoyed This, Then Don‘t Miss:

• Oh Yeah…It’s Coming!
• No Sex for Two Weeks?!

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speaksexy @ October 15, 2007