She’s Wet, But is She Turned-On?

Relationships, Tips and Tricks, Sexual Psych.

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Subjective Arousal is Different for Men and Women

For men, the process of arousal is pretty straight forward - 99% of the time an erect penis means he feels sexually excited. Sure there are exceptions here and there, but for the most part this correlation holds true.

Women, on the other hand, are a completely different story! Although her body may be displaying signs of sexual arousal (erect nipples, dilated pupils, a wet vagina, etc.) it does not mean she is subjectively “feeling” turned-on. In fact, research has time and again demonstrated the disassociation between women’s physiological sexual arousal and their subjective experience of arousal:

“…recent attempts to improve women’s sexual function have successfully increased women’s physiological arousability but failed to produce corresponding increases in their subjective experiences of sexual arousal or overall sexual satisfaction (Harris, 2004). These findings are consistent with research that shows that women’s physiological arousal rarely if ever predicts their subjective experience of arousal.” (Kiefer et al., 2006)

These findings should be somewhat of an eye opener, especially for men who may never have given this a second (or a first!) thought. Many men in long-term committed relationships believe that a wet-woman is a horny woman, and interpret her lubricated-self as a green light to begin sexual activity. Sure, she will probably go along with it to please her partner, but that does not mean she really feels involved in the act. Even more surprising is that it’s possible for many women to have orgasms WITHOUT ever feeling turned-on! That’s why women report higher incidences of sexual dysfunction such as decreased libido, and report greater dissatisfaction with the quality of their lives.

What Does This All Mean for You?

It means that even if you, as the man, think your sex life with your partner is top notch just because you both orgasm every time does not mean she feels the same way! The key to arousing a woman so that she really experience her own sexuality is to stimulate her psychologically. (I’m sure this does not come as a big surprise to the female readers among you, and am equally sure you men have heard this before too.) However, hearing this reality and knowing how to make it work in your favor are two completely different things.

How to Unlocking Her Inner Sexuality

Men often ask, “Why doesn’t my wife desire me like she used to?” or “Why isn’t she as sexually adventurous as she was in the beginning?” The answer is always the same - she doesn’t FEEL turned-on…And that means you aren’t psychologically arousing her anymore.

The good news is there are many, many ways to go about tapping into a woman’s sexual psychology. You probably did it in the very beginning of your relationship without even knowing it. Something about you intrigued her and captivated her attention.

For me it was the way my husband touched his beer glass that did it - confidently, gently. I started to imagine him touching me like that, what it would feel like to have those confident hands sliding over my stomach, my sides…And within the month I’d had my answer.

But my point is it was that simple. He made me take notice and was able to fire my imagination. Essentially he presented himself in a way that made him sexually valuable to me. Luckily there are ways to increase your perceived sexual value and make her take notice of you all over again. After all, if she couldn’t wait to “jump” you in the beginning, shouldn’t you be able to turn her on again now?

One of the best advice guides I’ve found is called the “SSP Seduction System” and is based upon the idea that women need psychological stimulation to become truly aroused. It offers men step-by-step suggestions on how to increase their own sexual value to women. It’s focused on helping men in relationships recapture their lover’s attention in their own way. It plays upon a man’s individual strengths (rather than giving one-size-fits-all answers), and takes into consideration the uniqueness of every relationship. It’s a great resource to have, whether you’re trying to rekindled a long-lost lust, or just want to keep her “hot and bothered.”

Go ahead and try it - Then tell us if you liked it and what worked/didn’t work for you!

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My Question to You!

Do you have a secret way to tap into your woman’s sexual psyche? Something that really drives her wild for you?

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Link to SSP Seduction System:

• Turn On Her Mind - Her Body Will Follow!

Article References:

Kiefer, Amy K., Sanchez Diana T., Kalinka Christina J., Ybarra Oscar. (1996). “How Women’s Nonconscious Association of Sex with Submission Relates to Their Subjective Sexual Arousability and Ability to Reach Orgasm.” Journal of Sex Research. Vol 55.

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speaksexy @ October 1, 2007