Fur, and the Carnality of Love

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Fur – If you’re going to enjoy this movie, the first thing you have to do is to forget that it’s trying to fictitiously depict the life of a very famous photographer named Diane Arbus. It has nothing to do with her. Once you’ve done that, you can see the movie for what it really is – a sexually provocative story that blurs the lines between macabre fascination, lust, compassion, and ultimately love.

Drawn to the enigmatic charisma of the mysterious man (Robert Downey Jr.) upstairs, Nicole Kidman’s character falls deeper and deeper into a world of carnal sensuality with a man who never actually touches her. The movie is directed by Stephen Shainberg, the acclaimed director of Secretary (another beautifully complex sexual tale). Like Secretary, Fur is slow moving and offbeat, but filled with nuanced glances, stunning cinematography, and symbolic details that many viewers may miss the first time around. It’s certainly not a movie for everyone. But for those who can identify with and follow the emotional journey of the characters, The movie will grip you from the beginning and leave you cathartically satisfied by the end.

Scenes that Make the Movie:

Their first Meeting – He talks to her and asks her surprisingly sexual things about her past. It’s clear that she’s never shared these details with anyone, and she’s both turned on and embarrassed by him. Does she like to expose herself? Does she like the way men look at her? Does she like to be scared? A wonderful mix of humiliation and honesty, the scene sets the stage for their relationship.

The Bathtub – He gives her permission to be herself with him. Her real self. She doesn’t need clothes, but a blindfold always helps. She doesn’t need to hide her lust or sensuality. Finally she’s accepted by someone.

The Revealing – This is undoubtedly the climax of the movie, so I won’t give too much away. It’s his turn to be vulnerable, to open up himself to her. Suffice to say that it’s painfully slow, incredibly intimate, and heartbreaking all at the same time. For those of us who enjoy delving into trust-and-razor play, this scene may just be one of the best ever in portraying the depth of emotionality that can go into it.

Beyond the Movie – The Carnality of Love

But why I really loved Fur was the way it showed the carnality of love. She wants to keep his body with her at all times. She wants his skin, his breath, his hair. She wants to bury herself in his scent, even when he’s gone.

In today’s modern society these very bodily aspects of lust/love seem to be misunderstood and/or vanishing. It’s sexy and touching that in The Red Violin (another great movie!) a man is so distraught over his wife’s passing that he uses her hair to make the strings of a violin, and her blood to make the dye. There’s an animalistic, instinctual need to keep our loved one’s with us – not in the metaphysical/spiritual sense – but in the flesh. And although it may seem illogical or crazy to carry a vial of someone’s blood around your neck (nod to Angelina Jolie), on a deeper emotional level I think we all understand it. We don’t need to explain it. It just makes sense without needing a rational…

But since our culture is all about rational, this type of unconscious understanding is unfortunately becoming unacceptable to express. Which, of course, ties directly in with sexuality since so much of our sexuality is still instinctual. It’s a glaring reminder that we are still animals. We hunger, thirst, and lust just like the rest of them…

And I for one think connecting with this side myself is what true contentment feels like – Skin, blood, hair, and all!

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