I have to start by thanking Kristofer for pointing out that May has been declared National Masturbation Month since 1995 by the wonderful people over at Good Vibrations. How this has slipped by me is anyone’s guess, so I’m giving you, my dear reader, my not-so-sincerest apologies for having missed this monumental event in the past.
That being said, this weekend is also Mother’s Day, and I think it would be fun to celebrate both events at once. Here goes.
Apparently Masturbation Month was declared as a way of raising awareness about masturbation and taking away the taboos that surrounded this incredibly common, though rarely discussed, practice. Twelve years later, I think masturbation has finally secured its place as an accepted and rather mundane part of almost everyone’s life – except perhaps the very conservatively religious among us. Even Christians are finding ways to reconcile their beliefs with masturbation. Because of this, Masturbation Month seems to have transformed into a purely uninhibited celebration of auto-erotic activity. Now, now, calm yourself! I can see the crazy gleam of excitement dancing in your, er, eyes.
And because you guys are a particularly clever lot of blog readers, I’m sure you’ve already heard about the health benefits of masturbation so I won’t bore you with that stuff here. I do, however, want to point out why masturbation is particularly good for wives and mothers, though I realize many mothers are not wives! So without further ado…
Reasons Why Mothers Should Masturbate:
- Stress Reduction! Yes, masturbation really does relax you, and mothers are some of the most stressed-out people I know! A more relaxed Mom will make the whole family happier. How does that old saying go? “When Mom’s not happy, nobody’s happy!”
- More Fun For Dad! It seems the more women masturbate, the more open they are to their partner’s sexual advances. At first this seems odd. If she’s taking care of her “needs” by herself, wouldn’t she want less sex? Turns out the answer is no. Now whether that’s because masturbating makes women hornier, or horny women masturbate more is for you to decide. Also, women like to have multiple orgasms…Maybe the first one she gives herself is like an appetizer, gearing her up for more action with her man.
- It Promotes Sleep! Mothers are notorious for being in bad moods due to lack of sleep, especially new Moms who wake up frequently to nurse or give bottles during the night. Masturbating at bed time is a perfect way to help your body wind-down from a busy day.
- Strengthens the Pelvic Floor! Do your Kegels, do your kegels! It’s like a mother’s mantra during and after pregnancy. Luckily, orgasms are another great way to tone up those inner muscles. This may be one of the only honestly fun kinds of exercise that exists.
- Did I Already Say Stress Reduction?
Happy Masturbation-Mother’s Day Month!!