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Masturbating in Bed & Other Such Goodies
As masturbation month continues, I’ve been giving some thought to how couples view their own and their partner’s masturbation. Although I’ve heard from many people, both men and women alike, that watching their parter masturbate turns them on and can be a great lead in to sex, I’m wondering how people feel about their partner’s solo masturbation. That is, do people mind their significant other masturbating by themselves, for their own benefit, rather than the combined enjoyment of watching/being watched?
My assumption is that most people wouldn’t care either way. So what if he/she masturbates in the shower, or when they are alone during the day? It’s just a quick release. A moment of self-interested pleasure that may actually put them in a better mood during your together time later on.
But what happens when you wake up in the middle of the night to a shaking bed and heavy panting? Are you still just as accepting if your partner is selfishly masturbating with you right next to them?! Again, my guess is that a lot of people would draw the line at this one. Although probably OK with their S.O. doing this in private, they are probably not OK with this not-so-covert middle-of-the-night operation! After all, you are available. You are present. You are breathing for goodness sakes. The least your partner could do is give you the benefit of the doubt and ask if you’d like to join in or have sex! Sheesh!
So I see your point. On the other hand I personally wouldn’t care so much. After all, my husband knows how much I value my sleep, and waking me up for a quickie probably wouldn’t go down so well…But that’s just me. Then again, in the above scenario he did hypothetically wake me up anyway, but I’d be happy he at least didn’t do it on purpose and was trying his best to be thoughtfully quiet.
The other issue that comes to mind is fantasizing during masturbation. Is it wrong to fantasize about someone other than your S.O.? Is it kinda like cheating? Is there a difference between making someone up in a fantasy and fantasizing about the porn girl/guy? All good questions…But I’ll leave those to another post…
Feel free to leave your opinions in the comments section below!
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speaksexy @ May 15, 2007
Great Post!
Quite frankly I don’t mind if my S.O. masturbated while I’m asleep. I also value my sleep and believe that our sex life is great so if he wants to get frisky with himself, I have no objections! In all fairness, I can understand why sometimes it may be necessary. In a perfect world we would all be feeling sexy the same time as our S.O. however the chances of that happening every single time is very unlikely.
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I learned a long ago, a male, that one of the nice ways to masturbate is just gentle pressure on the frenulum to almost done and then a couple of strokes to finish.That way if I wake up aroused and don;t want to disturb wwife I can handle myself.
Anonymous 1 - I agree sometimes it’s hard when one partner is super horny and the other could care less. It happens to all of us at some point, and being open to your partners masturbation can certainly make these periods easier to deal with.
Anonymous 2 - Sounds like you have a great technique down! Good for you for getting to know yourself that well. I’m sure if your wife is anything like me or Anonymous 1 she appreciates it.
I really enjoy when my wife masturbates. I encourage her to do it often, and have even conveniently place a dildo in the shower for her to use when that “feeling” arises. I like for her to share her experiences and fantasies that brought her to pleasure with me, but it doesn’t and wouldn’t bother me if she didn’t tell.
I think a lot more relationships, marraiges especially, would benefit from the self-pleasure of both parties. Whether it’s done together or apart, it can bring much needed release, and can help in sparking terrific “follow up” encounters with each other.
If I were to wake in the middle of the night to find my wife masturbating, it would turn me on and not bother me in the least that she didn’t wake me. I would be happy that she had the confidence to enjoy herself and not worry about my reaction. Chances are she wouldn’t get to finish alone anyway!
I don’t mind it…as long as I can watch
I find nothing wrong with it, it’s healthy, sometimes the only person that can satisfy you it you, after all you know yourself the best,no matter how long you’ve been with your current partner, you still know you better. I had an Ex who loved to watch as well, but what she really liked, it was a bit different it was sort of a 69… I’ll leave the rest of the description to your imagination…
I often fantasized that I would wake up to a SO masturbating. I actually got it fulfilled somewhat. During the period of my divorce my ex and I obviously didn’t sleep in the same room. Anyway we both had friends over and I woke up one night 2 use the restroom and saw her friend rubbing herself like there was nobody around! God it was hot! I went the bathroom and did my thing and went back and passed out. One of my more enjoyable nights…