I thought I’d start us off with a topic that seems to get all sorts of mixed reactions; Pornography Use in Relationships. Leaving aside the more generic arguments against porn such as the degradation of women and such, some people claim that pornography is the very thing destroying their marriages, while others feel that it is just another useful tool in their creative toy box. Both sides of the argument are rather well known.
Basic Against It:
- Its use fosters feelings of guilt in the user and mistrust, anger, and inadequacy in the partner.
- It gives men in particular unreasonable expectations of women’s bodies and behaviors.
- It is cheating!
Basic For It:
- In circumstances when partners can not be together, it is an alternative to having sex with someone else (long distance relationships, during times when one partner is unable or unwilling to have sex such as after the birth of a child, etc.)
- It adds spice to a long-term couple’s hum-drum sexuality. It can generate new ideas or act as part of the foreplay when viewed together.
- It is not cheating!
Personally I enjoy pornography of all kinds, even being the feminist that I am! I think porn is a nice way of “breaking the ice” sometimes…Nothing says “I want to have sex now Honey!” as the cacophony of moans and slapping sounds that gently waft from the computer during those free 10 second movie clips! However, in all honesty I must say that when I am not involved in my husband’s porn excursions I do feel somewhat left out, and have even gone as far as feeling anger on occasion. But why?! Intellectually I have nothing against it…but emotionally there is a part of me that feels my husband’s sexuality belongs to me, and mine to him. So during his singular porn sessions, when he is viewing, thinking about, and getting excited by other women with me no where in his direct sensual world, it feels unpleasantly strange…like he is being sexual without me when I should be there in some way! On the flip side, I feel guilty watching porn without him. So, do I think viewing porn is cheating? No…but I understand that to some degree it does feel like it, especially during those times when both of us are not involved.
What do you think?!
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